Talking About Depression

You Can't Have Too Many: Tips For Making New Friends

2011-10-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

In my last blog I talked about the importance of staying in touch with friends and loved ones. But many people who are depressed feel lonely and even feel they have no, or few friends. It's a catch 22 situation: social contact can help you cope with depression; but depression can prevent social contact.
So, working on the theory that you can never have too many friends and acquaintances, I came across this blog that lists some intersting ways in which you can expand your circle of acquaintances who'll maybe some day become friends.
Here's the link: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1Xq203/friendship.about.com/od/Meeting-New-Friends/tp/Make-New-Friends-During-Your-Daily-Routine.htm

And don't forget - freindship is a two way street. Try to be a friend in need when your friends need you. You'll both benefit.

Boost Your Relationship!

2011-10-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest ways to ameliorate depression is by working positively to create strong relationships around you. The support of underestanding friends and family mean a great deal to someone experiencing depression, but good relationships don't just happen by accident. They require work, love and care.
Sadly, when someone is in the throes of depression, they can seem self-centred and selfish; concerned only about their dark thoughts and sad feelings and unable to emphathise or be happy for those around them.
A good antidote for this is to make a point of being supportive to your loved ones when the depression is held at bay; they'll be more tolerant then if the 'black dog' rebounds into your life. It's fair to say, though, that good relationships, sharing pleasant activities, and always having something to look forward to, or even just someone who'll go for coffee with you and listen even when you're not good company, are good ways to fight depression.
Here's a linbk to an article with some interesting tips on how to keep your most primary relationship - husband, wife, partner - fresh and happy. These include such modern advice as cutting down on social networking addictions and being supportive of your partner's hopes and dreams, to age old remedies such as enjoying intimacy and spending quality time together.
Here's the link to the article, which is titled Ten Secrets of Super Happy Couples:
http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/love-sex-relationships/10-secrets-of-super-happy-couples-7?cp-documentid=30755185&page=1

Depression: Common Symptoms

2010-04-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

Depression is definitely an equal opportunity illness. It is a fact that not everyone is prone to depression, and that some people become more severely depressed than others – both of these facts have researchers busy trying to determine what makes some folks appear to be 'immune' to feelings of depression.
It's important to remember that we are all individuals and as such we experience depression differently. This is extremely important when considering treatment for depressed clients – there is no one-size fits all drug or counselling treatment. Each course of treatment, whether it is with anti-depressants or with counselling, requires that the individual client's needs be taken into account. This is one of the reasons I favour cognitive behavioural counselling when working with depressed client – cognitive behavioural involves working with the client to reach an understanding of the root cause of the problem and also to understand the behaviours this might cause and, in recognising why the client behaves in certain ways, to learn new ways of behaving or coping.
Not only do we all experience depression differently, but the causes and triggers are often different from person to person.
However, there are a number of symptoms that occur in depressed people, although not all symptoms occur in all people! But if you are experiencing two or more of the symptoms on this list, it is probably a good idea to check in with your doctor. I always recommend that a client has a health check up to determine if there is any underlying physical health problem that may be causing the symptoms before action is taken by way of anti-depressants, etc.
 Here's the list:
 A general feeling of sadness or loneliness that pervades daily life without any real reason, sometimes including sudden crying bouts.
 Getting overly annoyed or frustrated over small details or incidents.
 Not being able to sleep – or sleeping too much
 Constant fatigue without an identifiable cause
 Loss of appetite – or increased appetite, particularly when these lead to either unintended weight loss or gain
• Feeling bored or disinterested in hobbies or activities that are usually pleasurable
 Loss of interest in sex
 Feeling unable to relax even when there is no apparent reason for tension.
 Inability to concentrate, even on usually relaxing pastimes such as reading.
 Not wishing to participate in social events
 Feeling indecisive, unable to 'think straight'. This is sometimes shadowed in one's physical actions being slowed or indecisive.
 Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or losses and blaming oneself for things that go wrong.
 Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
 A sense of lack of physical wellbeing, aches and pains and vague illness.
While for many people depression is a dullness or greyness in life which they try to struggle through, for many it can become so severe that they become unable to function. Just getting out of bed in the morning feels too much, looking after personal hygiene, family needs, cooking a meal or going to work become obstacles that are insurmountable.
But the key to remember is that if you, or a loved one, experience depression there is help available. Consider the available treatments and decide whether counselling or anit-depressant medication may be best for you.
For many people, a short course of anti-depressants coupled with a longer period of supportive counselling and will offer long-term relief from depression.

Ends…

Look Your Fears in the Eye!

2010-01-21T10:19:00.000-08:00

One of the things about being depressed is that sense of feeling alone, of being the only one experiencing these feelings. It's hard to believe that anyone else could feel like you do - and frankly, you probably feel too down to care.
But depressed people are very vulnerable to fear. Places, things, events that may make a non-depressed person a little nervous can be sources of full blown anxiety attacks for someone experiencing depression.
And, conversely, some of the things we fear may actually be depression triggers. Have you ever gone to a family get together, for example, and become depressed because you maybe once again had a fight with your brother or cousin, or perhaps your dad made one of his sarcastic 'jokes' that made you feel really humiliated?You came away feeling depressed because these experiences were a depression trigger.
Family events are one of the biggest sources of conflict or emotionally based depression triggers.
So, what to do? Avoiding all events like this sounds like a good plan, but that can mean you become even more isolated from the people who could offer you the best support. Feeling part of a family group is in itself a defence against depression - unless yours is a totally dysfunctional family, that is!
So the best thing may well be to face your fears, acknowledge the problem, and do something about it. Being pro-active is difficult if you're depressed, but it can be done. It works best before the situation becomes charged.
So, if cousin Susie is always on your case at family dinners, give her a call before the event. Say you find it upsetting that she behaves the way she does, and ask her why? She may well be shocked to hear you feel this way. Whatever she says, tell her that you want the behaviour to stop. Then tell other family members that this behaviour has been a problem for you and that you've talked to Cousin Susie about it and expect that she will behave better towards you so everyone can have a fun time at the get together.
This puts Cousin Susie on notice that her behaviour is being watched not just by you but by other family members. Peer pressure is great!
What about dealing with other fears?
1) Acknowledge the problem, what the fear is.
2) Do something about it if you can. Action is a great fear-buster.
3) If you can't do anything about it, laugh at it. Tell yourself you are not going to let this spoil your life.
4) Talk about your fears with someone else - your counsellor, or a close friend you can trust.
5) establish some control. Accept that you are in control of how you feel and that you can either take some action to prevent the trigger event, or you can choose to ignore it as not worth your attention.
6) Have a chat with yourself, lay out what it is that frightens or depresses you about any particular trigger.Then talk it out with yourself - is it really that bad? What can you do to chase it away?
Now you understand your fear, you understand that you can either take some action or learn to ignore or take the sting out of the fear or depression trigger.

Being Thankful Lifts Your Mood

2009-10-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

When you're feeling depressed and struggling to go from day to day, it's hard to see what there is to be thankful for.
But giving thanks is something that's celebrated the world over - for instance, Harvest Home in England, Thanksgiving in Canada & the US -because our ancestors knew what we seem to be re-discovering - that attitude makes a big difference, and that celebrating the good in our lives lifts our mood.
And when you feel good, you're more likely to attract good into your life, as the Laws of Attraction practitioners will tell you. Attitude is a major factor in how a person feels - feel poor, and you tighten the purse strings to choking point, feel guilty spending pennies, and miss out on opportunities to improve your situation or you fail to invest in yourself so that you can make the most of any opportunity that comes along.
A client who has been very pre-occupied recently claimed that she was finding people very unhelpful. No wonder - she went into the stores with her head down, a frown on her face, so pre-occupied with her own troubles that she didn't notice anyone else. She shuffled about impatiently in line-ups, complained and generally wasn't someone you'd want to deal with if you were a store clerk.
As an experiment, I coached her into going into a large department store, holding her head high, looking purposeful but relaxed. She gave the clerks she met a big smile, asked courteously for help and said thank you and please. To her surprise, she got the best of service, with three clerks helping her locate the articles she wanted, checking the stockroom for supplies and looking up delivery dates.
"I heard a woman in the next aisle say loudly to her companion: "The service here is terrible. There's never anyone around to help." I had three store clerks helping me, and I looked over at her sour expression and I thought, OMG, that was how I'd been behaving! Who would have thought attitude made such a difference! It wasn't just that I got better service, but by smiling and being polite, I felt better about myself," was how this woman reported back.
And that's the clincher, really - having a good attitude makes you feel better about yourself.
So, this weekend we're celebrating the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday. Practice feeling thankful for what you have, rather than dwelling on what you don't have. If you have a roof over your head and enough to eat, for today, you are rich by comparison to many, many people in the world.
Family are coming to dinner? That means more work for you - but it also means you get to spend time with people you love and who love you. More expense? Sure, but isn't it worth it? Take a little time to think about the extras you can do that don't cost a lot - a grapevine wreath for the front door and table decorations made from hedgerow finds or dollar store buys.
If you don't have family visiting, hold a pot luck supper for friends or neighbours. You'd be amazed at how appreciative they'll be, and with everyone contributing, it's an economic way of entertaining - something our parents and grandparents used to do.
A recent report told us what should seem obvious - that people who give to others are happier than those who don't. Think about it - by giving to others you're showing compassion for your fellows, and also celebrating the fact that however little you have, you still have enough to help someone worse off. Of course it makes you feel better!
And here's a challenge: This Thanksgiving, write down five things you are grateful to have in your life. Perhaps you're grateful to be able to enjoy the autumn colour, or to have someone who loves you in your life, or just a chance to sit and read a good book. Maybe you're thankful for the possibilities to come or the joys you've known in the past. Think carefully and you'll be surprised how many things you have to be thankful for in your life.
Write them down on a slip of paper, put that in your wallet or purse and when you feel down, take it out and read it, meditate upon the things you have there. Add anything new that occurs to you. That little list is sure to lift your mood.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Mixing Meds Can Be Dangerous

2009-08-31T10:14:00.000-07:00

A recent report suggested that some anti-depressant medications can cause health problems in women who are taking hormone replacement therapy treatments.
This just goes to underline a message that health professionals should constantly be passing on to clients and patients: Be careful about mixing meds - some medications taken together can have a completely different - and sometimes dangerous - outcome than each was initially intended.
When you visit your docotor or talk to a mental health professional, take the pills that you have already been prescribed with you, or carefully write down the names and amounts from the bottle labels. Make sure you tell her just what you are already taking and ask if there may be contra-indications for mixing with another medication.
If you're not feeling well after starting a new drug and you do take other medications, call your doctor and ask if there could be a problem.
It's a good safeguard to always use the same pharmacist when filling prescriptions - they should have a list on file and be able to check what other drugs you are taking. If they don't mention it, ask them to check and make sure there isn't a clash if you're starting on a new medication.
I can't stress enough that, even though most health care professionals are very careful, you must exercise some control over your own treatment. Ask questions, insist on answers, and if anything is bothering you, make sure you bring it up with your doctor or counsellor.
It's also a fact that certain foods can affect the efficacy of some anti-depressants - there's a list in my book, Depression: The Essential Guide (available now from Need2Know Books UK and on Amazon) or you can research online to find out more.
And it can't be repeated too often: alcohol and anti-depressants don't mix.

Are you feeling lucky?

2009-08-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Are you feeling lucky? is a phrase often repeated from an old Clint Eastwood movie when Clint's Dirty Harry character is facing down a punk with a gun. Of course, we all know that Harry's faster on the draw than the punk, but the phrase makes us laugh anyway.
Research suggests that if we think we're lucky, we are. If we think we can outgun Dirty Harry, there's a good chance that we really can. Not that I'd recommend that you try - discretion, after all, is the better part of valor!
But what does this idea of feeling lucky mean to people who're fighting depression? Well, I firmly believe that 'Attitude is Everything' and that you can, with practice, bring your mood up just by believing that you can and by believing that there are good things waiting out there in the world. for you.
I've lost track of the number of clients who have told me: " I would like to do such and such, but I don't even think about starting because I know I couldn't do it/would fail/wouldn't be good enough."
One client I worked with did, with support, enroll in an art course. The constant positive feedback she received from fellow students and instructors kept her getting up in the mornings and showing up in class, despite her ongoing depression. She showed her work in a gallery, sold several paintings, and has never been happier in her life. To me, as her counsellor, the most positive thing wasn't her sales - though I was delighted for her - it was the fact that, although the depression still slunk around the edges of her consciousness from time to time, she had learned to believe in herself and her own strength and competence to deal with the dark days and to create her own good days.
According to researcher Mala Young at UCLA, in an article in Psychology Today, luck is not a matter of ceding control over your life to the Universe. People who believe luck works in their favor are motivated to try challenging tasks and persist at them.
In the same article, Richard Wiseman of Hertfordshire University in the UK, suggests increasing your 'luck' by being more open to new opportunities. This can be done by changing routines, meeting new people, walking a different route to work. If something bad happens to you, consider how much worse it could have been, put it inperspective and asee what can be learned from it. Wiseman also suggests being more pro-active in following your instincts, and says taking some quiet time to meditate can quiet the noise around you and help you understand these 'hunches'.
Positive expectations are often self-fulfilling because they increase your motivation to act.
Often trouble comes with a gift in its hands - an opportunity to learn.
There's an old joke about the man who prays every night to win the lottery. This goes on for months with never a win in sight, so eventually he loses his cool and yells at God: "Why won't You answer my prayers? I've asked You time and time again...."
And God replied: "If you want to win the lottery, why haven't you bought a ticket?"
You see, no matter what you want, you have to buy the ticket. You have to believe that you have a chance, and be prepared to keep on believing until your number comes up. You have to do the legwork, be prepared to work hard at your dreams, accept and learn from your failures and know that every time you try, you're in with a chance, and the more you fail, the more you learn and the greater your chances of success.
Don't let depression control you. Take your own life in your hands and imbue it with good things that make you want to get up in the morning and make you believe in yourself. Smile, even though you don't feel like it right now. Just exercising those facial muscles will enhance the way you feel. Believe in yourself. Make your own luck!

Depression & Violence

2009-05-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

I believe that a lot of misery, particularly that associated with mental illness, is exacerbated by the codes of silence we wrap around these issues. That’s the reason I started this blog in the first place, and it came home to me very deeply when I received an email after the first blog appeared.
The email was from a young woman – you know who you are and your email touched my heart. She said her mother had suffered from depression for years and had taken her anger out on her daughter, to quote: “using me as her punching bag’.
We make a lot of allowances for someone we love who is ill. When a loved one is depressed, we put up with their lack of energy, constant misery, lack of enthusiasm, etc., because we love them and don’t want to make them feel worse.
There’s one exception: VIOLENCE SHOULD NEVER BE ACCEPTABLE, AND DEPRESSION SHOULD NEVER BE USED AS AN EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE. I can’t state this too emphatically.
Sure, anger is often a companion to depression, as it is to many other illnesses. Someone who’s depressed may feel frustrated with themselves and their life, and that frustration may spill over into anger at those around us – often the very people we lean heavily on for support when we are depressed. Depressed people often experience anger and irritability, but when that starts to take the form of violence, then it may be time to re-evaluate the diagnosis and consider some of the other mental health issues where the inability to control that anger and violence is a dominant factor.
A person who manifests violence against another needs treatment by a health care professional, possibly with drugs and definitely with counseling to root out the cause of the anger and to expiate it or learn other ways of coping rather than beating up on a spouse or making a child the innocent victim of rage.
It’s a known fact that living with someone who’s depressed increases the chances that you will become depressed, too. Children who grow up in abusive homes run more than the risk of physical harm – they have very high odds of developing depression, mental and emotional illness.
If you feel that your depression has, or may spill over into violence against those around you, please seek help. There’s no need to be ashamed if you are taking control of your feelings by getting medical advice and mental health counseling.
If you’re living with someone whose depression manifests itself in anger that frightens or hurts you, urge the person to seek help. Don’t put up with it and make excuses for your loved ones behavior – it’s not ‘normal’ and it’s not acceptable. In a household where this is occurring, children need to be protected.
And if you’re a young person who is being subjected to emotional or physical abuse by someone who’s supposed to be depressed, you’re not powerless. Seek help from another trusted adult, or go to your teacher or school nurse. A home should be a safe place for all the people in it.
Here are links to some articles that talk about depression & violence:
http://www.netwellness.org/question.cfm/24247.htm
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/118/3/e792
http://athealth.com/practitioner/particles/Guest_Cooperstein2.html
http://www.alternet.org/healthwellness/60874/
http://www.suicidal.com/siteindex/men.html

Just Beginning....

2009-03-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

I come from a long line of depressives. That's not to say that life was miserable or that I spend my days lamenting; oh, not at all. But when it comes to depression, believe me, I've pretty well seen it all.
Yes, I've experienced down times, the why-do-I-even bother times; the where's-the-point-in-even-going-on times. Depression blooms in my family like some deep, dark hidden flower that infects us all. But no-one talks about it.
Yet, my own experience has been that we need to talk. We need to explore our depressed moods; to try to understand the triggers and the causes. We need to empower ourselves and our loved ones by declaring that we are depressed and we're going to talk about it openly, learn to cope with a little support from our friends, keep abreast of all the latest studies and research, minimise the damage to our lives and learn to live happy and fulfilling lives.
Depression has had a major impact on my own life. Witnessing depression in people I cared about drove me to take a degree in psychology, follow that up by training as a counsellor and working with depressed clients in private practice.
Now I'm a full time writer - visit http://www.glenysoconnell.com/ or run my name on Amazon.com and you'll see some of my work. I've even written a book about depression, due out this summer, and I'll talk more about that later.
Like most other projects, beginning a new blog is difficult. It's exciting, and scary, too. Blogs mean we are baring some part of our day to day lives, and people who are feeling depressed hate to do this even more than most. So I hope you will bear with me and offer your comments and support as I set up this blog and explore depression, depression treatments, and all the changes taking place in this illness which affects anything up to 25 per cent of the population at any given time.
When you think about those figures - up to 25 per cent, or one in four people, at any time are suffering from depression, and about ten per cent of the population have reported feelings of suicide to their medical professionals - then its certainly time we talked about this!
I'd love to hear from readers, whether you suffer from depression, know someone who does, or just hold an opinion, please leave your comments!