When you're feeling depressed and struggling to go from day to day, it's hard to see what there is to be thankful for.
But giving thanks is something that's celebrated the world over - for instance, Harvest Home in England, Thanksgiving in Canada & the US -because our ancestors knew what we seem to be re-discovering - that attitude makes a big difference, and that celebrating the good in our lives lifts our mood.
And when you feel good, you're more likely to attract good into your life, as the Laws of Attraction practitioners will tell you. Attitude is a major factor in how a person feels - feel poor, and you tighten the purse strings to choking point, feel guilty spending pennies, and miss out on opportunities to improve your situation or you fail to invest in yourself so that you can make the most of any opportunity that comes along.
A client who has been very pre-occupied recently claimed that she was finding people very unhelpful. No wonder - she went into the stores with her head down, a frown on her face, so pre-occupied with her own troubles that she didn't notice anyone else. She shuffled about impatiently in line-ups, complained and generally wasn't someone you'd want to deal with if you were a store clerk.
As an experiment, I coached her into going into a large department store, holding her head high, looking purposeful but relaxed. She gave the clerks she met a big smile, asked courteously for help and said thank you and please. To her surprise, she got the best of service, with three clerks helping her locate the articles she wanted, checking the stockroom for supplies and looking up delivery dates.
"I heard a woman in the next aisle say loudly to her companion: "The service here is terrible. There's never anyone around to help." I had three store clerks helping me, and I looked over at her sour expression and I thought, OMG, that was how I'd been behaving! Who would have thought attitude made such a difference! It wasn't just that I got better service, but by smiling and being polite, I felt better about myself," was how this woman reported back.
And that's the clincher, really - having a good attitude makes you feel better about yourself.
So, this weekend we're celebrating the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday. Practice feeling thankful for what you have, rather than dwelling on what you don't have. If you have a roof over your head and enough to eat, for today, you are rich by comparison to many, many people in the world.
Family are coming to dinner? That means more work for you - but it also means you get to spend time with people you love and who love you. More expense? Sure, but isn't it worth it? Take a little time to think about the extras you can do that don't cost a lot - a grapevine wreath for the front door and table decorations made from hedgerow finds or dollar store buys.
If you don't have family visiting, hold a pot luck supper for friends or neighbours. You'd be amazed at how appreciative they'll be, and with everyone contributing, it's an economic way of entertaining - something our parents and grandparents used to do.
A recent report told us what should seem obvious - that people who give to others are happier than those who don't. Think about it - by giving to others you're showing compassion for your fellows, and also celebrating the fact that however little you have, you still have enough to help someone worse off. Of course it makes you feel better!
And here's a challenge: This Thanksgiving, write down five things you are grateful to have in your life. Perhaps you're grateful to be able to enjoy the autumn colour, or to have someone who loves you in your life, or just a chance to sit and read a good book. Maybe you're thankful for the possibilities to come or the joys you've known in the past. Think carefully and you'll be surprised how many things you have to be thankful for in your life.
Write them down on a slip of paper, put that in your wallet or purse and when you feel down, take it out and read it, meditate upon the things you have there. Add anything new that occurs to you. That little list is sure to lift your mood.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Mixing Meds Can Be Dangerous
A recent report suggested that some anti-depressant medications can cause health problems in women who are taking hormone replacement therapy treatments.
This just goes to underline a message that health professionals should constantly be passing on to clients and patients: Be careful about mixing meds - some medications taken together can have a completely different - and sometimes dangerous - outcome than each was initially intended.
When you visit your docotor or talk to a mental health professional, take the pills that you have already been prescribed with you, or carefully write down the names and amounts from the bottle labels. Make sure you tell her just what you are already taking and ask if there may be contra-indications for mixing with another medication.
If you're not feeling well after starting a new drug and you do take other medications, call your doctor and ask if there could be a problem.
It's a good safeguard to always use the same pharmacist when filling prescriptions - they should have a list on file and be able to check what other drugs you are taking. If they don't mention it, ask them to check and make sure there isn't a clash if you're starting on a new medication.
I can't stress enough that, even though most health care professionals are very careful, you must exercise some control over your own treatment. Ask questions, insist on answers, and if anything is bothering you, make sure you bring it up with your doctor or counsellor.
It's also a fact that certain foods can affect the efficacy of some anti-depressants - there's a list in my book, Depression: The Essential Guide (available now from Need2Know Books UK and on Amazon) or you can research online to find out more.
And it can't be repeated too often: alcohol and anti-depressants don't mix.
This just goes to underline a message that health professionals should constantly be passing on to clients and patients: Be careful about mixing meds - some medications taken together can have a completely different - and sometimes dangerous - outcome than each was initially intended.
When you visit your docotor or talk to a mental health professional, take the pills that you have already been prescribed with you, or carefully write down the names and amounts from the bottle labels. Make sure you tell her just what you are already taking and ask if there may be contra-indications for mixing with another medication.
If you're not feeling well after starting a new drug and you do take other medications, call your doctor and ask if there could be a problem.
It's a good safeguard to always use the same pharmacist when filling prescriptions - they should have a list on file and be able to check what other drugs you are taking. If they don't mention it, ask them to check and make sure there isn't a clash if you're starting on a new medication.
I can't stress enough that, even though most health care professionals are very careful, you must exercise some control over your own treatment. Ask questions, insist on answers, and if anything is bothering you, make sure you bring it up with your doctor or counsellor.
It's also a fact that certain foods can affect the efficacy of some anti-depressants - there's a list in my book, Depression: The Essential Guide (available now from Need2Know Books UK and on Amazon) or you can research online to find out more.
And it can't be repeated too often: alcohol and anti-depressants don't mix.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Are you feeling lucky?
Are you feeling lucky? is a phrase often repeated from an old Clint Eastwood movie when Clint's Dirty Harry character is facing down a punk with a gun. Of course, we all know that Harry's faster on the draw than the punk, but the phrase makes us laugh anyway.
Research suggests that if we think we're lucky, we are. If we think we can outgun Dirty Harry, there's a good chance that we really can. Not that I'd recommend that you try - discretion, after all, is the better part of valor!
But what does this idea of feeling lucky mean to people who're fighting depression? Well, I firmly believe that 'Attitude is Everything' and that you can, with practice, bring your mood up just by believing that you can and by believing that there are good things waiting out there in the world. for you.
I've lost track of the number of clients who have told me: " I would like to do such and such, but I don't even think about starting because I know I couldn't do it/would fail/wouldn't be good enough."
One client I worked with did, with support, enroll in an art course. The constant positive feedback she received from fellow students and instructors kept her getting up in the mornings and showing up in class, despite her ongoing depression. She showed her work in a gallery, sold several paintings, and has never been happier in her life. To me, as her counsellor, the most positive thing wasn't her sales - though I was delighted for her - it was the fact that, although the depression still slunk around the edges of her consciousness from time to time, she had learned to believe in herself and her own strength and competence to deal with the dark days and to create her own good days.
According to researcher Mala Young at UCLA, in an article in Psychology Today, luck is not a matter of ceding control over your life to the Universe. People who believe luck works in their favor are motivated to try challenging tasks and persist at them.
In the same article, Richard Wiseman of Hertfordshire University in the UK, suggests increasing your 'luck' by being more open to new opportunities. This can be done by changing routines, meeting new people, walking a different route to work. If something bad happens to you, consider how much worse it could have been, put it inperspective and asee what can be learned from it. Wiseman also suggests being more pro-active in following your instincts, and says taking some quiet time to meditate can quiet the noise around you and help you understand these 'hunches'.
Positive expectations are often self-fulfilling because they increase your motivation to act.
Often trouble comes with a gift in its hands - an opportunity to learn.
There's an old joke about the man who prays every night to win the lottery. This goes on for months with never a win in sight, so eventually he loses his cool and yells at God: "Why won't You answer my prayers? I've asked You time and time again...."
And God replied: "If you want to win the lottery, why haven't you bought a ticket?"
You see, no matter what you want, you have to buy the ticket. You have to believe that you have a chance, and be prepared to keep on believing until your number comes up. You have to do the legwork, be prepared to work hard at your dreams, accept and learn from your failures and know that every time you try, you're in with a chance, and the more you fail, the more you learn and the greater your chances of success.
Don't let depression control you. Take your own life in your hands and imbue it with good things that make you want to get up in the morning and make you believe in yourself. Smile, even though you don't feel like it right now. Just exercising those facial muscles will enhance the way you feel. Believe in yourself. Make your own luck!
Research suggests that if we think we're lucky, we are. If we think we can outgun Dirty Harry, there's a good chance that we really can. Not that I'd recommend that you try - discretion, after all, is the better part of valor!
But what does this idea of feeling lucky mean to people who're fighting depression? Well, I firmly believe that 'Attitude is Everything' and that you can, with practice, bring your mood up just by believing that you can and by believing that there are good things waiting out there in the world. for you.
I've lost track of the number of clients who have told me: " I would like to do such and such, but I don't even think about starting because I know I couldn't do it/would fail/wouldn't be good enough."
One client I worked with did, with support, enroll in an art course. The constant positive feedback she received from fellow students and instructors kept her getting up in the mornings and showing up in class, despite her ongoing depression. She showed her work in a gallery, sold several paintings, and has never been happier in her life. To me, as her counsellor, the most positive thing wasn't her sales - though I was delighted for her - it was the fact that, although the depression still slunk around the edges of her consciousness from time to time, she had learned to believe in herself and her own strength and competence to deal with the dark days and to create her own good days.
According to researcher Mala Young at UCLA, in an article in Psychology Today, luck is not a matter of ceding control over your life to the Universe. People who believe luck works in their favor are motivated to try challenging tasks and persist at them.
In the same article, Richard Wiseman of Hertfordshire University in the UK, suggests increasing your 'luck' by being more open to new opportunities. This can be done by changing routines, meeting new people, walking a different route to work. If something bad happens to you, consider how much worse it could have been, put it inperspective and asee what can be learned from it. Wiseman also suggests being more pro-active in following your instincts, and says taking some quiet time to meditate can quiet the noise around you and help you understand these 'hunches'.
Positive expectations are often self-fulfilling because they increase your motivation to act.
Often trouble comes with a gift in its hands - an opportunity to learn.
There's an old joke about the man who prays every night to win the lottery. This goes on for months with never a win in sight, so eventually he loses his cool and yells at God: "Why won't You answer my prayers? I've asked You time and time again...."
And God replied: "If you want to win the lottery, why haven't you bought a ticket?"
You see, no matter what you want, you have to buy the ticket. You have to believe that you have a chance, and be prepared to keep on believing until your number comes up. You have to do the legwork, be prepared to work hard at your dreams, accept and learn from your failures and know that every time you try, you're in with a chance, and the more you fail, the more you learn and the greater your chances of success.
Don't let depression control you. Take your own life in your hands and imbue it with good things that make you want to get up in the morning and make you believe in yourself. Smile, even though you don't feel like it right now. Just exercising those facial muscles will enhance the way you feel. Believe in yourself. Make your own luck!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Depression & Violence
I believe that a lot of misery, particularly that associated with mental illness, is exacerbated by the codes of silence we wrap around these issues. That’s the reason I started this blog in the first place, and it came home to me very deeply when I received an email after the first blog appeared.
The email was from a young woman – you know who you are and your email touched my heart. She said her mother had suffered from depression for years and had taken her anger out on her daughter, to quote: “using me as her punching bag’.
We make a lot of allowances for someone we love who is ill. When a loved one is depressed, we put up with their lack of energy, constant misery, lack of enthusiasm, etc., because we love them and don’t want to make them feel worse.
There’s one exception: VIOLENCE SHOULD NEVER BE ACCEPTABLE, AND DEPRESSION SHOULD NEVER BE USED AS AN EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE. I can’t state this too emphatically.
Sure, anger is often a companion to depression, as it is to many other illnesses. Someone who’s depressed may feel frustrated with themselves and their life, and that frustration may spill over into anger at those around us – often the very people we lean heavily on for support when we are depressed. Depressed people often experience anger and irritability, but when that starts to take the form of violence, then it may be time to re-evaluate the diagnosis and consider some of the other mental health issues where the inability to control that anger and violence is a dominant factor.
A person who manifests violence against another needs treatment by a health care professional, possibly with drugs and definitely with counseling to root out the cause of the anger and to expiate it or learn other ways of coping rather than beating up on a spouse or making a child the innocent victim of rage.
It’s a known fact that living with someone who’s depressed increases the chances that you will become depressed, too. Children who grow up in abusive homes run more than the risk of physical harm – they have very high odds of developing depression, mental and emotional illness.
If you feel that your depression has, or may spill over into violence against those around you, please seek help. There’s no need to be ashamed if you are taking control of your feelings by getting medical advice and mental health counseling.
If you’re living with someone whose depression manifests itself in anger that frightens or hurts you, urge the person to seek help. Don’t put up with it and make excuses for your loved ones behavior – it’s not ‘normal’ and it’s not acceptable. In a household where this is occurring, children need to be protected.
And if you’re a young person who is being subjected to emotional or physical abuse by someone who’s supposed to be depressed, you’re not powerless. Seek help from another trusted adult, or go to your teacher or school nurse. A home should be a safe place for all the people in it.
Here are links to some articles that talk about depression & violence:
http://www.netwellness.org/question.cfm/24247.htm
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/118/3/e792
http://athealth.com/practitioner/particles/Guest_Cooperstein2.html
http://www.alternet.org/healthwellness/60874/
http://www.suicidal.com/siteindex/men.html
The email was from a young woman – you know who you are and your email touched my heart. She said her mother had suffered from depression for years and had taken her anger out on her daughter, to quote: “using me as her punching bag’.
We make a lot of allowances for someone we love who is ill. When a loved one is depressed, we put up with their lack of energy, constant misery, lack of enthusiasm, etc., because we love them and don’t want to make them feel worse.
There’s one exception: VIOLENCE SHOULD NEVER BE ACCEPTABLE, AND DEPRESSION SHOULD NEVER BE USED AS AN EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE. I can’t state this too emphatically.
Sure, anger is often a companion to depression, as it is to many other illnesses. Someone who’s depressed may feel frustrated with themselves and their life, and that frustration may spill over into anger at those around us – often the very people we lean heavily on for support when we are depressed. Depressed people often experience anger and irritability, but when that starts to take the form of violence, then it may be time to re-evaluate the diagnosis and consider some of the other mental health issues where the inability to control that anger and violence is a dominant factor.
A person who manifests violence against another needs treatment by a health care professional, possibly with drugs and definitely with counseling to root out the cause of the anger and to expiate it or learn other ways of coping rather than beating up on a spouse or making a child the innocent victim of rage.
It’s a known fact that living with someone who’s depressed increases the chances that you will become depressed, too. Children who grow up in abusive homes run more than the risk of physical harm – they have very high odds of developing depression, mental and emotional illness.
If you feel that your depression has, or may spill over into violence against those around you, please seek help. There’s no need to be ashamed if you are taking control of your feelings by getting medical advice and mental health counseling.
If you’re living with someone whose depression manifests itself in anger that frightens or hurts you, urge the person to seek help. Don’t put up with it and make excuses for your loved ones behavior – it’s not ‘normal’ and it’s not acceptable. In a household where this is occurring, children need to be protected.
And if you’re a young person who is being subjected to emotional or physical abuse by someone who’s supposed to be depressed, you’re not powerless. Seek help from another trusted adult, or go to your teacher or school nurse. A home should be a safe place for all the people in it.
Here are links to some articles that talk about depression & violence:
http://www.netwellness.org/question.cfm/24247.htm
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/118/3/e792
http://athealth.com/practitioner/particles/Guest_Cooperstein2.html
http://www.alternet.org/healthwellness/60874/
http://www.suicidal.com/siteindex/men.html
Friday, March 27, 2009
Just Beginning....
I come from a long line of depressives. That's not to say that life was miserable or that I spend my days lamenting; oh, not at all. But when it comes to depression, believe me, I've pretty well seen it all.
Yes, I've experienced down times, the why-do-I-even bother times; the where's-the-point-in-even-going-on times. Depression blooms in my family like some deep, dark hidden flower that infects us all. But no-one talks about it.
Yet, my own experience has been that we need to talk. We need to explore our depressed moods; to try to understand the triggers and the causes. We need to empower ourselves and our loved ones by declaring that we are depressed and we're going to talk about it openly, learn to cope with a little support from our friends, keep abreast of all the latest studies and research, minimise the damage to our lives and learn to live happy and fulfilling lives.
Depression has had a major impact on my own life. Witnessing depression in people I cared about drove me to take a degree in psychology, follow that up by training as a counsellor and working with depressed clients in private practice.
Now I'm a full time writer - visit http://www.glenysoconnell.com/ or run my name on Amazon.com and you'll see some of my work. I've even written a book about depression, due out this summer, and I'll talk more about that later.
Like most other projects, beginning a new blog is difficult. It's exciting, and scary, too. Blogs mean we are baring some part of our day to day lives, and people who are feeling depressed hate to do this even more than most. So I hope you will bear with me and offer your comments and support as I set up this blog and explore depression, depression treatments, and all the changes taking place in this illness which affects anything up to 25 per cent of the population at any given time.
When you think about those figures - up to 25 per cent, or one in four people, at any time are suffering from depression, and about ten per cent of the population have reported feelings of suicide to their medical professionals - then its certainly time we talked about this!
I'd love to hear from readers, whether you suffer from depression, know someone who does, or just hold an opinion, please leave your comments!
Yes, I've experienced down times, the why-do-I-even bother times; the where's-the-point-in-even-going-on times. Depression blooms in my family like some deep, dark hidden flower that infects us all. But no-one talks about it.
Yet, my own experience has been that we need to talk. We need to explore our depressed moods; to try to understand the triggers and the causes. We need to empower ourselves and our loved ones by declaring that we are depressed and we're going to talk about it openly, learn to cope with a little support from our friends, keep abreast of all the latest studies and research, minimise the damage to our lives and learn to live happy and fulfilling lives.
Depression has had a major impact on my own life. Witnessing depression in people I cared about drove me to take a degree in psychology, follow that up by training as a counsellor and working with depressed clients in private practice.
Now I'm a full time writer - visit http://www.glenysoconnell.com/ or run my name on Amazon.com and you'll see some of my work. I've even written a book about depression, due out this summer, and I'll talk more about that later.
Like most other projects, beginning a new blog is difficult. It's exciting, and scary, too. Blogs mean we are baring some part of our day to day lives, and people who are feeling depressed hate to do this even more than most. So I hope you will bear with me and offer your comments and support as I set up this blog and explore depression, depression treatments, and all the changes taking place in this illness which affects anything up to 25 per cent of the population at any given time.
When you think about those figures - up to 25 per cent, or one in four people, at any time are suffering from depression, and about ten per cent of the population have reported feelings of suicide to their medical professionals - then its certainly time we talked about this!
I'd love to hear from readers, whether you suffer from depression, know someone who does, or just hold an opinion, please leave your comments!
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