Are You A Best Friend To Your Best Friend?

I've often said that friends are so important for someone coping with depression - scroll down to my

blog about how you can't have too many friends :-) - but all too often, when we think about friends, we think about what WE want.

Think about it, though - is that really what friendship is about?

Like any relationship, true friendship depends on mutual benefits, with the emphasis on the mutual. Sure we all have friends where the relationship is one-sided, but these are not the friends we call on when we really need someone, and vice-versa. They're also the least likely to be there when we need them!

The problem with being depressed is that sometimes a person is needy but not able to give back. If a friend calls and says she wants to see a movie but doesn't want to go alone, you might be tempted to say you're feeling down and don't feel like going out. Yet sometimes a time-out when you can go outside yourself for a while is just what you need to help you rise above the depression. Think about that the next time someone needs you.

If you're married or in a significant relationship, then there's one person who really needs your friendship - and whose friendship you really need!

Angeline M. Bishop has a great blog about how to create a best friend relationship with your partner, and her list of things you would look for in a best friend is really worth reading - and applying to yourself.

Click here to read her blog now at Angeline M Bishop Official Website.

Meanwhile, cherish your friends, especially those very close to you, and the light they bring into your life!

Being Unhappy Can Be The Trigger to Better Things...

Hello, friends - I've been away from the Talking About Depression blog for too long, exploring other life paths. I'm back now and hoping to get into regular blogging - those of you who know me know how close to my heart the issues of depression and other illnesses are.

One thing I did give a lot of thought to is the difference between simply being unhappy and real depression.

How often do we say :"I'm depressed....." - fill in your own blank. What are you 'depressed' about? That the cool guy at school didn't invite you to the prom? That the boss gave the promotion to someone else? It's Saturday night and everyone else seems to be out on the town and you're stuck home with only the Saturday Night Movie on tv to keep you company?

These things are not depression. Of course, they can signal situations that can trigger depression - loneliness, a sense of failure, a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy. Yet most of the time, the 'little' upsets in life pass - you find another cute guy to date, a better job comes up (or you realise that the promotion would have been too demanding) and your social life picks up. Often just making yourself think about the things that make you happy will lift the mood.

Depression simply isn't as easy to deal with as that. I'd describe a lot of the feelings I hear described as depression as, in fact, be simple human unhappiness. We're not intended to be on Cloud 9 all our lives - we need the occasional 'low' or unhappy moments to spur us into personal growth and change. Or, as my Grannie often used to say: "Into every life a little rain must fall.'

How can you bloom if you're deprived of rain? Being discontented or unhappy can force you out of your comfort zone and into a life where your achieving your potential.

Helped along by the advent of one-size fits all anti-depressants, we may have been brain-washed into thinking we should never be unhappy.

Think about this, though: Feeling unhappy can - and should - be a red flag in your life to make some changes. And I think it's fair to say that we're all unhappy sometimes.

But not necessarily depressed. Depression usually involves a feeling of helplessness, an inability to act, that keeps you stuck in this mire of feeling, well, awful.

And that's when you need help, to find your way out of the dark and into the sunshine again.

So, before you passively accept that you're 'depressed', take a close look at how you feel, the thoughts running through your head, your life in general.

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Do these suggest a need for change - either in behaviour, lifestyle or simply in the way you think?
Explore the possibilities, and see what you can do to bring about change - and happiness - in your life.

Good luck - and you're welcome to drop by and share your story here.

Depression: Common Symptoms

Depression is definitely an equal opportunity illness. It is a fact that not everyone is prone to depression, and that some people become more severely depressed than others – both of these facts have researchers busy trying to determine what makes some folks appear to be 'immune' to feelings of depression.
It's important to remember that we are all individuals and as such we experience depression differently. This is extremely important when considering treatment for depressed clients – there is no one-size fits all drug or counselling treatment. Each course of treatment, whether it is with anti-depressants or with counselling, requires that the individual client's needs be taken into account. This is one of the reasons I favour cognitive behavioural counselling when working with depressed client – cognitive behavioural involves working with the client to reach an understanding of the root cause of the problem and also to understand the behaviours this might cause and, in recognising why the client behaves in certain ways, to learn new ways of behaving or coping.
Not only do we all experience depression differently, but the causes and triggers are often different from person to person.
However, there are a number of symptoms that occur in depressed people, although not all symptoms occur in all people! But if you are experiencing two or more of the symptoms on this list, it is probably a good idea to check in with your doctor. I always recommend that a client has a health check up to determine if there is any underlying physical health problem that may be causing the symptoms before action is taken by way of anti-depressants, etc.
 Here's the list:
 A general feeling of sadness or loneliness that pervades daily life without any real reason, sometimes including sudden crying bouts.
 Getting overly annoyed or frustrated over small details or incidents.
 Not being able to sleep – or sleeping too much
 Constant fatigue without an identifiable cause
 Loss of appetite – or increased appetite, particularly when these lead to either unintended weight loss or gain
• Feeling bored or disinterested in hobbies or activities that are usually pleasurable
 Loss of interest in sex
 Feeling unable to relax even when there is no apparent reason for tension.
 Inability to concentrate, even on usually relaxing pastimes such as reading.
 Not wishing to participate in social events
 Feeling indecisive, unable to 'think straight'. This is sometimes shadowed in one's physical actions being slowed or indecisive.
 Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or losses and blaming oneself for things that go wrong.
 Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
 A sense of lack of physical wellbeing, aches and pains and vague illness.
While for many people depression is a dullness or greyness in life which they try to struggle through, for many it can become so severe that they become unable to function. Just getting out of bed in the morning feels too much, looking after personal hygiene, family needs, cooking a meal or going to work become obstacles that are insurmountable.
But the key to remember is that if you, or a loved one, experience depression there is help available. Consider the available treatments and decide whether counselling or anit-depressant medication may be best for you.
For many people, a short course of anti-depressants coupled with a longer period of supportive counselling and will offer long-term relief from depression.

Ends…

Are you feeling lucky?

Are you feeling lucky? is a phrase often repeated from an old Clint Eastwood movie when Clint's Dirty Harry character is facing down a punk with a gun. Of course, we all know that Harry's faster on the draw than the punk, but the phrase makes us laugh anyway.
Research suggests that if we think we're lucky, we are. If we think we can outgun Dirty Harry, there's a good chance that we really can. Not that I'd recommend that you try - discretion, after all, is the better part of valor!
But what does this idea of feeling lucky mean to people who're fighting depression? Well, I firmly believe that 'Attitude is Everything' and that you can, with practice, bring your mood up just by believing that you can and by believing that there are good things waiting out there in the world. for you.
I've lost track of the number of clients who have told me: " I would like to do such and such, but I don't even think about starting because I know I couldn't do it/would fail/wouldn't be good enough."
One client I worked with did, with support, enroll in an art course. The constant positive feedback she received from fellow students and instructors kept her getting up in the mornings and showing up in class, despite her ongoing depression. She showed her work in a gallery, sold several paintings, and has never been happier in her life. To me, as her counsellor, the most positive thing wasn't her sales - though I was delighted for her - it was the fact that, although the depression still slunk around the edges of her consciousness from time to time, she had learned to believe in herself and her own strength and competence to deal with the dark days and to create her own good days.
According to researcher Mala Young at UCLA, in an article in Psychology Today, luck is not a matter of ceding control over your life to the Universe. People who believe luck works in their favor are motivated to try challenging tasks and persist at them.
In the same article, Richard Wiseman of Hertfordshire University in the UK, suggests increasing your 'luck' by being more open to new opportunities. This can be done by changing routines, meeting new people, walking a different route to work. If something bad happens to you, consider how much worse it could have been, put it inperspective and asee what can be learned from it. Wiseman also suggests being more pro-active in following your instincts, and says taking some quiet time to meditate can quiet the noise around you and help you understand these 'hunches'.
Positive expectations are often self-fulfilling because they increase your motivation to act.
Often trouble comes with a gift in its hands - an opportunity to learn.
There's an old joke about the man who prays every night to win the lottery. This goes on for months with never a win in sight, so eventually he loses his cool and yells at God: "Why won't You answer my prayers? I've asked You time and time again...."
And God replied: "If you want to win the lottery, why haven't you bought a ticket?"
You see, no matter what you want, you have to buy the ticket. You have to believe that you have a chance, and be prepared to keep on believing until your number comes up. You have to do the legwork, be prepared to work hard at your dreams, accept and learn from your failures and know that every time you try, you're in with a chance, and the more you fail, the more you learn and the greater your chances of success.
Don't let depression control you. Take your own life in your hands and imbue it with good things that make you want to get up in the morning and make you believe in yourself. Smile, even though you don't feel like it right now. Just exercising those facial muscles will enhance the way you feel. Believe in yourself. Make your own luck!

Just Beginning....

I come from a long line of depressives. That's not to say that life was miserable or that I spend my days lamenting; oh, not at all. But when it comes to depression, believe me, I've pretty well seen it all.
Yes, I've experienced down times, the why-do-I-even bother times; the where's-the-point-in-even-going-on times. Depression blooms in my family like some deep, dark hidden flower that infects us all. But no-one talks about it.
Yet, my own experience has been that we need to talk. We need to explore our depressed moods; to try to understand the triggers and the causes. We need to empower ourselves and our loved ones by declaring that we are depressed and we're going to talk about it openly, learn to cope with a little support from our friends, keep abreast of all the latest studies and research, minimise the damage to our lives and learn to live happy and fulfilling lives.
Depression has had a major impact on my own life. Witnessing depression in people I cared about drove me to take a degree in psychology, follow that up by training as a counsellor and working with depressed clients in private practice.
Now I'm a full time writer - visit http://www.glenysoconnell.com/ or run my name on Amazon.com and you'll see some of my work. I've even written a book about depression, due out this summer, and I'll talk more about that later.
Like most other projects, beginning a new blog is difficult. It's exciting, and scary, too. Blogs mean we are baring some part of our day to day lives, and people who are feeling depressed hate to do this even more than most. So I hope you will bear with me and offer your comments and support as I set up this blog and explore depression, depression treatments, and all the changes taking place in this illness which affects anything up to 25 per cent of the population at any given time.
When you think about those figures - up to 25 per cent, or one in four people, at any time are suffering from depression, and about ten per cent of the population have reported feelings of suicide to their medical professionals - then its certainly time we talked about this!
I'd love to hear from readers, whether you suffer from depression, know someone who does, or just hold an opinion, please leave your comments!